


Silent Voices - Kate

by escherlat



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26798884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escherlat/pseuds/escherlat
Summary: There is no nightmare like the one you live. After all abandon her, Kate sees only one way to escape her nightmare.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Silent Voices - Kate

No one listens

No one cares

Why don’t they care?

The sobs rack my body as I stumble away from the school. I barely notice the grey clouds and few drops of rain that splatter on the sidewalk. The world matches the thoughts and feelings that pummel me.

Mr. Jefferson was my last hope. He was my favorite teacher. He's so confident and has seen so many things. I thought he would be different, maybe even help. That's what teachers do, right? Help students who struggle.

He’s the same as everyone else. I wipe my eyes and face and try to control my breathing, but it doesn't work. My chest is tight as I stumble toward the dorms, everything's blurry and smeary and dull. All I hear is a roar in my ears. But in my heart, I hear something more...

Maybe this is just your way of getting attention

Harlot

Disgusting

Shameful

The words deaden my heart into a weight that pulls downward. The world crashes onto my shoulders, doing its best to crush my body like my mind and heart. Cool metal, slick with early rain, steals my warmth as I wrap my hand around it. I'm awake in a world of nightmares that won't end.

The door shuts behind me with a soft snick. Outside is a life of lies, a life ended. Soft dirt falls around me as I lean against the door and close my eyes.

You want me

The only one

Long you’ve waited

I’m coming

Even my family doesn't listen, won't believe. I thought they would care the most. Instead they care the least. Their minds and hearts are as closed as their ears.

I know what I need to do. There's only one way to lift the weight that smothers. The call is faint but alluring as it slips down the stairwell from above. The step beneath my feet sets me on the conclusion of my journey. I heard the call and this is my answer.

You hate

Instead of love

You judge

Instead of show mercy

I climb toward the call as my thoughts and feelings pull me down. I barely notice the chipped paint of the handrail under my hand as I move up the stairs. All it took was one act, something I don't even remember, to show how everyone truly is. The knowledge that I don't matter, that my entire life was a lie strips the last of my emotions from me.

The people of my life line the stairwell. Family, friends, all who I loved and knew watch me. For the first time in my life, they say what they really think about me. They speak of a false love, burying me deeper. They smile lies, smothering me.

If you loved

Wouldn't you listen?

Wouldn't you care?

Why won't you?

Everything I did, everything I worked for, means nothing. The compassion I showed others wasn’t shown to me in return. Lies. It’s all lies. Why try anymore? Auntie Marsh’s words burn before my eyes. Jezebel. Harlot. Did she always know? They choke me and beat me until I'm forced to see the truth of who and what I am.

Will you hold me when I’m gone?

Will you care for me when I’m no longer here?

Will you love me then?

I stumble on a step as my thoughts drift to my sisters.

_Oh, Lord, if you would grant me this one thing, please! My parents are good people. I’m the one that failed. Please don’t let my sisters follow my path. Help my parents set them on a better course. I ask, not for myself, but for my parents, for my sisters! They deserve better than me._

It was my choice, my willful ways that brought me here. All those years, all the training and teaching of family and Church cast to the wind. For my sisters, there’s still time.

Let them find peace

Let them find love

Not me

I’m not worth it

The landing provides a moments respite as I climb, not to deliverance, but to judgement. The call compels me, drags my heart toward it, but I need a moment. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I collapse against the wall, an empty husk who has spurred the love and warnings of her Lord.

_Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away._

The invitation to the Vortex party. I knew it was wrong. I saw the danger and ignored it. My pride has brought me here. My desire to be ‘normal’, be like everyone else. I chose friendship with the people who don’t share my faith and made myself His enemy.

I am evil

I am wicked

This is what I deserve

Pride was the knife that cut me, the sea that claimed me. A desire to be liked by others. Pride. It’s brought so many people low over the years. Kate Marsh can be added to that last.

I know it’s over

Still I cling

I don’t know where else I can go

Is there anyone out there?

Anyone at all?

My head lifts as I hear the call

For a moment, my mind recalls the struggle of Christ: whipped and beaten with blood running down his face from the crown of thorns. On his shoulder he bore the cross piece of his demise. I recoil in horror at what I’m doing. A voice in my head spits, "Jesus lived a perfect life and was killed for speaking truth. How dare you compare yourself to him!"

I hug myself as my mother's voice eviscerates me. She's right. In my pride I revealed what I truly am. This isn't a punishment willingly taken to help many. What I live is because I failed Him, failed everyone.

Proud

Dirty

Unclean

Despicable

Jezebel

I lean against the wall as more sobs tear me apart. The tears stopped long ago, but the crying hasn't. For a brief moment I feel the pain of disappointment as I realize I've failed Him. Then it fades and there is nothing but the journey. The rough hardness of the wall that supports me doesn't even register as I look up the final flight of stairs.

From here I can see the door, my exit from this nightmare. All my life, I dreamed what it would be like to meet Him. I'll never know. I take my last first step.

" _But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death._ "

I am awake

I will soon sleep

The second death

Rain drops hit me but I don't feel them. Lightning cracks overhead and the thunder falls upon ears unable to hear. Only a few feet now and the nightmare will end. I will be where I belong. It calls to me, a song of release only I can hear. All week it called to me and I fought against it. I'm done fighting.

Take me into your arms

Release me

I'm ready

As I step toward the roof’s edge, I’m comforted knowing it will soon be done. The world is detached from me, like I’m already in the coffin. I step onto the ledge, the raindrops mimicking the soil that will soon be cast upon me.

The ground lies below, green grass and trees that I used think were beautiful. From here, they’re a drab blur. People run onto the lawn. I think they're pointing. Suddenly, they care. One more video, one more photo to satisfy their hunger. I edge forward.

I'm sorry I failed everyone

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough

I’ll no longer be a burden

I’ll no longer bring shame

Please let this end

I want it to end

Behind me, the creak of a door disturbs my thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you [Santa_Cruz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Santa_Cruz) for helping me with this story.


End file.
